Wal-Mart Wednesday. New Year’s Resolutions via Haiku.

Happy New Year, everyone!

Looking over some of my Wal-Mart Wednesday posts, I was struck at what some Wal-Marties should be resolving to accomplish in the New Year. Here are some suggested resolutions for the people of Wal-Mart.

Resolution 1. Wear a belt when necessary. Psst, People of Wal-Mart, it is always necessary.

2278

“Suspenders in a Pinch”

Ass-less one, time to

grab a belt or suspenders.

Talking to you, Mac.

Resolution #2: Wear a shirt when shopping.

2296

“Put Down the Phone: Bigger Fish to Fry”

Oh, shirtless wonder,

you aren’t nearly as fit as

you think. No, really.

Resolution #3: Dream big, people. No more phrases on pants.

2315

“What Did Daddy Do to You?”

Is your dream to wear

pants that fit/don’t have writing

on them? Just my dream?

Resolution #4: Groom yourselves.

2291

“The Tortoiseshell Comb and The Hair”

Why is there an old

sleeping bag on your head, Ma’am?

That’s HAIR? WHAT? NO! NOOOOOOOOOOO!

“Wash-not? Not-Want.”

First, get the scissors.

Next, chop off that fucking mess.

Then, KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!

As always, check out People of Wal-Mart.

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About The Sassy Librarian

Librarian. Writer. Curmudgeon.
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2 Responses to Wal-Mart Wednesday. New Year’s Resolutions via Haiku.

  1. Katrina says:

    I frickin love you, also these people should seek out what us fancy folk call a shower and mirror :p

  2. Pingback: Tweets that mention Wal-Mart Wednesday. New Year’s Resolutions via Haiku. | Sassy Librarian -- Topsy.com

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