Wal~Mart Wednesday: It’s a Feature, Not a Flaw

Madame,

About your dress…

2798

A black dress really is a must-have for a woman’s closet. I see you have chosen one that also has blue flowers on it, how lovely. I’m not sure if you realize this or not, but the flaps on the back of the dress aren’t a design flaw–It isn’t extra material stored on the dress for you to use just-in-case you tear the bottom and wish to patch it up.  Those pesky flaps are actually part of the dress design.

Crazy, I know, but hear me out.

If you look closely at the flaps, you may see that there is a metal track with tiny teeth on the side of each their edges. You may have also noticed a little tabbed device that envelopes the track where those edges meet. This contraption is called a “zipper.”

A “zipper”, as defined by dictionary.com…

“zip-per ~noun

Also called slide fastener. a device used for fastening clothing, valises, etc., consisting of two toothed tracks or spiral metal or plastic coils, each bordering one of two edges to be joined, and a piece that either interlocks or separates them when pulled.”

The zipper is a feature, not a flaw. When you pull the zipper up, it brings the two flaps on the dress TOGETHER thus, completing the look. This is a feature on this dress–the back is designed to be a little higher than you may have thought. The top of the back of this dress should end in the middle of your shoulder blades, not a little above the crack of your ass.

Give it a try! Zip this dress up and see how it looks. If you do zip it up and the zipper slowly unzips or you hear tearing, don’t panic! Then the dress is, what experts call, too small. Just go up a size or two to fix…

Thank you, People of WalMart.

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About The Sassy Librarian

Librarian. Writer. Curmudgeon.
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